What is a High-Conflict Case?
A case is high-conflict because of the people, not the issues. The litigation becomes contentious over issues because of the personalities involved. It's due to the personalities of a party or, unfortunately, an attorney. People aren't excited to be going through a divorce. It is likely one of the most unpleasant experiences they face, and even more so if it is high-conflict.
What Causes High-Conflict Divorce?
High-conflict cases involve people who have high-conflict personalities. These might include traits or tendencies that are:
Narcissistic
Borderline
Antisocial
Paranoid
Histrionic
These personality types are bound to make a bad experience worse. By their very nature, these people exhibit behaviors meant to inflame, manipulate, control, or frustrate either their partner or the legal process. The high-conflict divorce or high-conflict custody case requires only one party with a high-conflict personality. That person is the match that lights the fire.
High-Conflict Personalities
Narcissistic
The narcissistic personality views themself as superior - to everyone. They are self-absorbed, arrogant, and feel they have a sense of entitlement. They lack empathy. This personality pushes themselves up by tearing others down or by stepping on others. They operate to make sure they look great and avoid blame. But their actions are not about anyone else, because this personality is their own moon, sun, and stars. It is only about them.
Borderline
The borderline personality starts from a position of fear of abandonment. They have mood swings in frequencies that will leave their target with whiplash. They focus on revenge and retribution. Boundaries are often non-existent for them. They escalate to aggressive behaviors but deny it, and their sweet spot is operating in a passive-aggressive manner.
Antisocial
The antisocial personality thrives in spheres of dominance and control. They have no problem violating social rules, norms, or laws. They can be charming but are con-artists (and lying is their second language). This personality may also be called a sociopath. Hidden lives and sketchy finances are often storylines in cases with this personality. They get enjoyment from ruining the lives of their targets.
Paranoid
The paranoid personality spins in a world focused on the betrayal, deceptions, and conspiracies against them by the other party (and anyone who supports that person), and often the legal system. Their suspicions lead them to overreact or attack others early. Trying to tell them their suspicions are wrong will just make it worse.
Histrionic
The histrionic personality is high drama, and they do not want to be ignored. They thrive on being the center of attention, taking every opportunity to tell their story to whomever (whether or not anyone cares). They operate with intense emotion (the drama).
How Relationships Become High-Conflict
Although there are differences between the specific types, high-conflict personalities treat all of their relationships as adversarial. They engage in all-or-nothing thinking and have unmanaged emotions. They blame others because they will not self-reflect. And their behaviors are extreme.
High-conflict personalities suck others into their orbits, drawing them into their stories, and aligning them in their "fight" against the other party. These people become enablers and negative advocates for the high-conflict personality. With narcissists, they may be called Flying Monkeys (picture The Wizard of Oz). They can be co-workers, friends, family members, and even professionals (such as a lawyer or mental health professional).
High-conflict personalities cannot resolve issues in their cases without the conflict. While a high-conflict case without children may seem easier than one involving a custody fight, the non-custody case still provides the venue for the fight and the conflict. The high-conflict personality may view it as a win if the other party has to spend more and gets less in the end. It is unnecessary for a party to have a mental health diagnosis. Knowing and understanding the patterns of behaviors of these personality types is what is important.
Contact a Divorce Attorney with Experience Handling High-Conflict Personalities
High-conflict divorces and high-conflict custody cases can be managed. CashattWarren Family Law attorneys work with their clients, providing a PathForwardPlan™ to guide them through the chaos and conflict to a better future. Schedule your initial consultation with the team at CashattWarren so we can begin answering your questions about navigating a high-conflict divorce. To get started, call us today at 515.421.9290.